Young man…

There’s nothing like a divorce to rejuvenate oneself. Especially if you’ve been married to a narcissistic, lying, cheating, alcoholic freak for nine years.

Having been sucked into a serious relationship as a teenager (we were together for, let’s see, a grand total of 16 years), I now find myself footloose and fancy free in a thirty something adult body but dizzy with the excitement and mind of a youngster who has just had her first break up and is now back on the market.

So how does one navigate feeling 19 but actually being 35? Hmm. Dilemma. Well at first I channeled the Sam Taylor ‘bad girl’ Wood in me and decided to scrub up and live with a ‘come get it boys’ attitude. Then I felt a bit weird… doubts and lines started creeping in. And even though Aaron Johnson is a hottie and I watched his Uberlin video like a stalker I could not get past the braces thing. I was sure Wood was not wearing train tracks when she got with Johnson. It’s one thing to feel like a teenager and quite another to take the mutton/lamb metaphor to its logical teenage brace wearing conclusion.

But there has been a break through. Nick Cannon. So I’m watching America’s Got Talent. And I hear this guy talking about Mariah…and baby I’m coming home. So I googled that shit quick time and discovered that Mariah ‘bad girl’ Carey has has this guy’s babies! Flipping twins! I was on the floor. (Granted years later than anyone else on the planet. But give me a break I’ve been under a rock for ten years.)

These women are my new role models. They have a magic that doesn’t ever fade or fizzle out. I’m gonna find me some young loving. And one day… my middle name is gonna be ‘bad girl’ too.

I’m not much different physically to how I looked in my twenties (except my tits which were decimated during breast feeding) and so I’m going to get out there and live a limitless life. After all age is just a number isn’t it?

Erm …under 27s need not apply though. I mean come on… gotta draw the line somewhere!