We interrupt this broadcast…

So here I am. Exposed. Anonymous. Shielded. Writing reckless. Writing bare and uncompromising. And grateful to the bloggers who somehow have found me in a corner and nodded to me.

And in a moment of haste and of need to get away. When my mind was elsewhere far occupied with my children. I opened the door. And now want desperately to close it silently. Feel it’s weight against the frame. Solid. I wish I could shut out the real world with its judgements.

I wrote chapterphoenix.wordpress down so light and innocent. Those 23 letters betraying a haven that exists and doesn’t exit.
I feel like I have been burgled but but but I clicked the latch and drew the door toward me. Come in I said. And now heart sunk with no trace I am left stupid and bereft. My sanctuary a forgotten mirage.

I have killed myself. And suicide sucks without death.
And yet I don’t want to die so young.
What to do?

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