Some days

Some days I miss that old life. Not him or even being in a two parent family. I miss what I accomplished. I mourn all the hard work I put in to making a home for my children. I miss not being sad. Things were bad yes but I knew the crazy. I knew what was coming each week and I could deal with it. I tried to make the best of the hand I had been dealt. I coped with stress because I saw no other life before me. Now I don’t know whether I am coming or going. I don’t know where home will be for me and my kids. I don’t know if the sadness will lift. I don’t know if I can be a good parent at all times. I don’t know how to stop my mind racing with maybes and might happens and what ifs. I feel stuck in divorce limbo and dare not imagine the life that lies in the distance somewhere as I don’t know if I have what it takes to begin again from the bottom. I’ve been cheated and robbed and feel like a fool for investing so much. 

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