When God hovers near my instinct I feel that something is coming. On New Year’s Eve. An energy energy. And a lightness for the new flowed throughout me and around me and amongst us. A kiss at midnight I sensed but at midnight I had better. Not a forced encounter but the clinking of six glasses. My sisters and three other souls who are destined to meet again.
And then it was 2018. It was gold glitter. It was a blue sky. It was the walk into heat and the promise of a maybe.
I largely spent the night blessing and matchmaking and being lifted by the love and beauty of others.
Then on the way to the bathroom with the sisters he held my hand and I stopped. Turning back I don’t remember who I saw just that my interest had been piqued and God said ok and after some convincing I stayed. And for the first time in forever I felt safe.
That was the override. Knowing that if I lay back and closed my eyes he would not have to catch me he would simply be there.
And so eyes hazy I turned and sought his kiss. And it was as if I was home. And it was urgent like the pull of gravity. I was tethered.

I did tell him he wasn’t ready for me. Obviously asked his age because what’s the use in starting that which cannot be done. And I heard 35 and thought wow ok. I did look him dead in the face and didn’t see the face of the 35 year old. Perhaps I knew but thought he must be babyfaced like me for why would anyone any man lie.